Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Do You Have a Favorite Child?

I recently attended a parenting workshop and the speaker asked this question:  "How many of you have a favorite child?"  He is a nationally (and maybe internationally) renowned speaker so the audience included a few hundred parents.  I definitely don't have a favorite child.  I remember being so in love with my first born that when I was pregnant, I worried that I wouldn't love my second child as much.  I was so worried that I didn't even share my fears with my husband.  However, the very first moment I held Claire, relief overwhelmed me.  I would love this child just as much.

After the speaker posed this question, I was surprised when I looked around the room.  The majority of people held up their hands in response to the question.  I wondered if maybe it is because my children are still young, but after hearing others in the audience speak, I realized that many of them had very young children.

The speaker went on to suggest that the favorite child was the child that was most like the parent.  The audience responded with agreement.

In my own family growing up, my sister was obviously my Dad's favorite.  She could do no wrong in his eyes and she never got in trouble with him.  Whereas in my case, just being me got me in trouble with him.  Even now, my mom states that my sister is a lot like my Dad in a lot of aspects and recognizes that is why he was her favorite.  I posed the question to my mom.  Did she have a favorite?  I never felt she did, but maybe she was just good at concealing it.  She stated she did not have a favorite.  She would see the best in all five of us.

I am relieved to know that it really is possible to not have a favorite child.  However, reality is that most parents probably do have a favorite.  If you have a favorite child, I would suggest you try not to show favoritism.  Showing favoritism can have long-standing, devastating effects on a child's feelings of self-worth and and feelings of adequacy. 

1 comment:

MisAdventuresofMomof3 said...

I don't have a favorite either. I love them all. I'm with your Mom there are different traits about each one that make each one special and hold a special place in my heart.

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