Friday, February 25, 2011

Pish

Last weekend, for the first time since I graduated high school, I became "Pish" again.  I went out with my best friend of 41 years and hooked up with two friends from high school.  "Pish" was my nickname in high school, but for some reason, got lost in college.  After that, I acquired my husband's one-syllable last name, that became a favorite with people because it rhymed with "butt."  Between Annie and that other name, "Pish" was gone.  Moving to Florida distanced myself even further from "Pish."  No one there had ever heard me called that and most people just called me Annie.  Moving another two times, Annie even faded and I became plain ole "Ann" and have been that for the past ten years or more. 

So, when my high school buddy called me "Pish" I almost didn't realize she was talking to me.  It brought me to ponder who Pish was and who Ann is today.  Where I was, where I am.  Some things were never lost--I am still that up front person who believes strongly in the truth.  I still am not afraid to talk to anyone.  Not afraid to ask questions.  Not afraid to be me.  I still feel deeply about people and relationships.  I like to understand people from where they have come from.  I still value fairness and take care of the underdog.  But some things have been lost along the way.  Of course, when we are teens, we think we know it all.  I definitely know now that I don't know it all, nor ever will (but that doesn't deter me from wanting to learn it all).  Some of the insecurities that I had in high school are thankfully gone.  I control my impulses now and look well before I leap.  I have learned that just because you love someone, doesn't mean it is good for them to be in your life.  I have learned to let go of relationships/friendships that don't work, even if it hurts.  I now believe that their is pure evil in this world and am on guard to protect myself and family from it.   I am stronger in my convictions of a universal truth verses what we believe to be true.  I have greater confidence in myself and my abilities and am less likely to not try something for fear of failure.  And I could go on and on, but the gist of this is that I have grown from the girl I used to be to the woman I am today.  And I like who I have become.

Of course, that night, I was transported back in time 25 years ago.  We drank, we laughed, we danced.  We were all like a red wine.  Good to start, but even better aged.

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