Saturday, May 18, 2013

Toxic Friendships

Have you ever had a friendship that leaves you feeling stressed, exhausted, crazy and confused? Then it just may be a toxic relationship.  Here are some indicators of a toxic friendship:

  • Your friend puts you down.
  • Your friend blames you for a variety of things, including not being a good friend.  
  • They may embellish or make up stories.
  • They use guilt as a means to continue the friendship. 
  • They accuse you of not caring.
  • You feel exhausted after talking to your friend on a regular basis
  • The relationship isn't balanced.  Your friend always is bringing problems to you.
  • Your friend is always needy of you.
  • Your friend is critical of you.
  • Your friend tries to pit others against you or you against others.
  • You feel a little crazy (or maybe a lot crazy) after being with or talking to them.
  • Its all give on your part and take on theirs.
  • There is always some sort of controversy or drama in their life (often times self-inflicted).
In essence, they suck the life out of you.  The expression "frienemies" comes to mind when dealing with these people.  You think they are your friend, but they sure don't act like one.  And the big question is, should you stay in this friendship?

To answer this question, you might ask yourself these questions: Is this relationship healthy? Is it positive?  Is it building me up or tearing me down?  If you decide that it isn't healthy, positive or uplifting, it might be time to think about ending the relationship.

Ending the relationship, will naturally be difficult.  Your friend will fight it.  She may blame you for not being a good friend.  She may lash out in anger.  She may talk bad about you.  She may try to turn other friends against you.  This can all be difficult, but you must decide to let go of the craziness and move on, lest you will be stressed and torn up.

Here is a quote to help you through the break up:

"People enter and exit your life, and sometimes exits are for the best. Do not think of ending friendship as a failure."  Anonymous

And one of my favorite poems:

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support,
To aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are..
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
This person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
Things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson,
Love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant

Thank you for being a part of my life,
Whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.


1 comment:

Emily Merse said...

Thank you for posting this. I have been in a friendship like this and it took a priest telling me it was time to get out, to finally see what needed to be done. It effected my health and well being. I took up running as a way to cope with my feelings and I prayed immensely. Healing has taken me over three years and I am almost there. So, thanks again for reminding me it is ok to walk away.

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